One of my family members is a drug addict. For over ten years, this family member was addicted to pain medication. The doctors gave her more and more pills for her pain, never thinking or caring about the fact that she was completely dependent on them. The fault lies with both the addict and the patient, in my opinion anyway.
Last year, my family member overdosed one night, and was hospitalized. They went into rehab, but checked themselves out after a few days. It was about six months before this family member went back to rehab, on her own dime. We were proud of them, and we offered all the support that was needed. I was cautiously hopeful. All I want is for everyone, family, friends, and so on, to be happy and healthy. Isn’t that what we all want?
My family gave this family member money when they needed it. It started out occasionally – a little here for gas, or to help with the phone bill. We understood and wanted success through this journey in their life, so my family helped when needed.
Then things started to get bad. This family member had problems at work, and more problems with their ex-spouse. Money got tighter when there was only one income in that house instead of two. This family member began to borrow more and more money. My family obliged.
And they are still obliging. Despite all the history, and despite the fact that the family is becoming divided over this. The money borrowing began once or twice a month. It escalated to every other week, then every week, and now it is every day. Every day the phone rings and I wish they wouldn’t answer it. I wish that they would let it go to voice mail. It isn’t the money that bothers me (though it really pisses me off!). It is the fact that my family member never wants to be with us. They never want to have coffee, or come over for dinner, or host a movie night at their house, and so on. They never even call to see how we are doing. That didn’t bother me as much long ago, when they simply ignored us all year. But now, it feels like to them our only worth is a bank account.
It hurts that my family gives them money when we know they are using again. They gave away signs here and there, accidentally sending us text messages that were meant to other people, or tremors, mood swings, weight gain/loss, etc. They ask for more and more money, and my family gives it to them.
It hurts that my family is going through this again. My Father was an alcoholic for many, many years. I know what it is like to see someone deteriorate. The difference is that my Father wanted to be around us. He played with me when I was a child, took care of me, cooked for my mother and I. We went to the zoo every year. Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, weekends, phone calls every day: all I have is memories of how much my father loved me. That means more to me than his vice. It means more than all the bad times.
I don’t know where I am going with this. I am so angry, so hurt, and so frustrated with this whole situation. I wish this family member cared about what they were doing. I know they will never make it up to my family. They will never even say thank you sincerely. I am afraid they will never pay my family back all the money they have manipulated out of us. And that is what they do – manipulate.
Not all addicts are bad. I said that earlier when referencing my father. If you know someone who is an addict, please get them help! But remember that you need to care for yourself too. They are sick, and need help, but not everyone wants help.
I wish my family member wanted help. I am trying to get the family together and seek counseling. It is hard because not everyone wants to. I feel like the whole situation is too bad. Everyone is so angry, so frustrated, and so tired of it all. I don’t want my family to be angry anymore. I don’t want them to be so stressed, because it is bad for your health. I don’t have much family to begin with.
I don’t know if anyone had read this, but if you have, thank you for listening. We all need someone to talk to. Stay cool out there.
The Rural Yankee 